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Bible Discussion / God NEVER allows divorce and remarriage - 3
« on: January 27, 2019, 04:39:57 PM »
Introduction
Contrary to popular Christian opinion and based on what God clearly states in his Word, God NEVER allows for divorce and remarriage, no matter the reason. Many, if not most churches and Christians believe that God is against divorce but yet makes exception for adultery, abuse, abandonment, etc. However, there is no Biblical basis for this.
God's plan has always been that 2-never-before-married-persons would enter into the marriage covenant for life, ending only in the death of one or the other. The permanency of marriage is foundational to knowing the heart of God and seeing the picture of Christ and the church personified in each marriage.
Let's start with some verses.
Luke 16:18 Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever
marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
Mark 10:11-12 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth
adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth
adultery.
God is very clear in these verses. If either the husband or the wife divorces his or her spouse and marries another, he or she commits adultery, no exception.
Then immediately the argument is made, what about the exception clause in Matthew? Let's look at that verse.
Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication,
causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Point 1 - Misunderstanding of the exception clause
Countless Christians have jumped onto this phrase, "saving for the cause of fornication" to justify many reasons given for divorce and remarriage. I believe that the misunderstanding of this phrase alone has done more damage to the Christian body than almost any other doctrinal error due to the millions of marriages and families that have been torn apart.
First of all, God cannot contradict himself. He cannot forbid remarriage in 2 verses and then make an exception in another. The apparent contradiction is not the fault of God but in our misunderstanding of the verses. Secondly, the Greek word porneia, correctly translated as fornication in the KJV is incorrectly translated as adultery, sexual immorality, or marital unfaithfulness in other translations. Fornication refers to sex between two unmarried persons. Adultery refers to sex between a married person with anyone other than the covenant spouse. An unfaithful married person commits adultery, not fornication. Thirdly, during the time that the Bible was written, the betrothal period of Jewish couples before marriage was more significant than we are accustomed to today and essentially the Jewish couple became husband and wife before they had officially entered into the marriage covenant. So the intended audience for the exception clause is for betrothed couples and furthermore, if the betrothed husband discovers that his betrothed wife has had relations with someone else then he can put her away. Joseph also found himself in this situation when he discovered that his espoused wife was with child and wanted to put her away privately until the angel explained what happened. In today's culture, although the betrothal period has lost prominence, if a fiance has discovered that the other has cheated on him or her, then that is grounds to end the engagement.
Point 2 - What therefore God hath joined together
The question can be asked, do you think that you are stronger than God? The answer of course is no. But if we are not stronger than God then how can we undo what God did?
Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not
man put asunder.
Does anyone believe that we can break apart what God has joined together? God himself joined the husband and wife. They are no more two but one. After God joins a couple, they are joined in Heaven for life. We may go before a judge to dissolve the marriage before men, but the marriage is not dissolved in Heaven and likewise we go to the church before God to get married but we do not go the church to get divorced. The divorce only happens before men.
Do not most say that if a remarried couple has remained faithful, then adultery has not occurred? But to God all remarriage is adultery because the remarried spouse is committing adultery against the first spouse. The original couple is still married in Heaven. Only death ends the marriage covenant.
Romans 7:3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an
adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be
married to another man.
Only after the first husband dies is the wife freed from the original marriage covenant and free to remarry.
Point 3 - Quagmire of confusion from man's wisdom
I would rather not spend time discussing man's wisdom, but I should point out a few things that need to be asked for those that believe that God allows for exceptions to divorce and remarriage. For is it not man's wisdom that decides to what degree of abuse that justifies divorce and remarriage? Is this only for physical abuse or also emotional abuse? Does minor abuse, moderate abuse or severe abuse justify divorce and remarriage? And is this not relative from one person to the next? What constitutes adultery? Discovering with strong evidence that adultery has occurred? How about if the evidence is weak? What about emotional affairs or online affairs for which there has been no physical union? What constitutes abandonment? Is it a spouse that has not returned home after 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years?
We would be foolish to think that we can decide what level of sin justifies divorce and remarriage. Let's consider the hypothetical situation of a Christian single that meets a divorced Christian. Should the Christian single first need to vet the divorced Christian to determine if the divorce is justified before God? What criteria would he or she use? What level of abuse or what type of adultery or what length of time of abandonment?
Only a quagmire of problems is presented when we attempt to justify our actions with man's wisdom and so again why it is imperative that we stop telling others that God allows for divorce and remarriage, when God clearly has never sanctioned it.
Point 4 - Picture of Christ and the church
In Ephesians chapter 5 God juxtaposes the relationship between the husband and the wife with Christ and the church. This is not done without significance. God intended that each marriage be a picture of Christ and the church. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church; wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. Marriage is to be a pictorial representation of Christ's relationship with us, his bride. How awe-inspiring God is that he has ordained the marriage relationship and the relationship between Christ and the church and has interconnected the two. There is more to this mystery than we may ever understand.
Ephesians 5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
In the same way that Christ does not divorce his church after sin is discovered and then finds and marries a new church, husbands are not to divorce their wives after sin is discovered and marry with someone new. Although husbands are not sinless as Christ is, they need to live sin-free, but the discovery of sin does not justify wives to divorce their husbands and marry someone new. Husbands ought to pray for their wives when sin is discovered and wives ought to pray for their husbands when sin is discovered. May both husbands and wives strive to be more like Christ while reminding husbands that wives are like their church-type and reminding wives that husbands are like their Jesus-type. And may husbands help their wives to become spotless and pure and may wives help their husbands to be like Jesus.
Point 5 - Perseverance in trials
All marriages will encounter difficulties throughout the course of the marriage. Some difficulties may cause great suffering and others with lessor but continuous frustration, but none justify the abolition of the marriage.
At what point should husbands or wives decide to discontinue the endurance or perseverance of a trial? Do we allow man's wisdom to decide? What does God say? Will God not bless those that endure to the end? Are we long-suffering for Christ or do we choose to cut the suffering short and make ourselves happy?
2 Tim. 3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
2 Cor. 4:17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal
weight of glory;
Psalm 34:19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.
Psalm 119:71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.
Romans 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
1 Peter 2:19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
James 5:11 Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen
the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.
2 Timothy 4:5 But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of
thy ministry.
1 Corinthians 13:4,7 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not
puffed up. Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life,
which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
Point 6 - Passions of the heart of man
It is a desire of all men and women to be loved and to experience an intimate love with another person. When a husband deprives his wife of love and respect or when a wife deprives her husband of love and respect, it is natural that a husband or wife would long for what is missing. He or she after a period of deprivation or abandonment or abuse may step outside of the marriage for that love and respect. He or she may say that a new acquaintance is his or her true "soul-mate" which oftentimes results in the absolution of the marriage and entrance into a new marriage. Many men and women choose to follow their hearts over obeying God. Often friends will advise those that are suffering within marriage, "God wants you to be happy", or "life is short, be with something that will truly love you". What should we choose? Should husbands and wives deprived of love find their own happiness or should they continue to obey God and endure the trial? The passions and desires of the heart of man are very strong and not easily subdued but may be choose to continue to obey God. Our heads may know what is right and wrong but our hearts justify many ungodly actions.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Mark 7:21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,
Conclusion
I hope that my views of the permanency of marriage as I understand it from God's Word can be a blessing to you. These views may differ from the beliefs of this ministry but I pray that God's Spirit would guide you into all truth, as God's Spirit continues to guide me. As well I know how difficult it is to continue to stand for a prodigal spouse. May we continue to accept God's reproof in all areas of our lives and to let Him continue to refine us with fire so that we will be molded into the godly husbands and wives that are pleasing to Him and honouring to our spouses. The teachings from the links here have also been a blessing to me: http://marriagedivorce.com/ and http://rejoiceministries.org/. The book, This Momentary Marriage by John Piper has also been a blessing to me. Please note, I do not support the John Piper Ministry but this book was well written.
Contrary to popular Christian opinion and based on what God clearly states in his Word, God NEVER allows for divorce and remarriage, no matter the reason. Many, if not most churches and Christians believe that God is against divorce but yet makes exception for adultery, abuse, abandonment, etc. However, there is no Biblical basis for this.
God's plan has always been that 2-never-before-married-persons would enter into the marriage covenant for life, ending only in the death of one or the other. The permanency of marriage is foundational to knowing the heart of God and seeing the picture of Christ and the church personified in each marriage.
Let's start with some verses.
Luke 16:18 Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever
marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
Mark 10:11-12 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth
adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth
adultery.
God is very clear in these verses. If either the husband or the wife divorces his or her spouse and marries another, he or she commits adultery, no exception.
Then immediately the argument is made, what about the exception clause in Matthew? Let's look at that verse.
Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication,
causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Point 1 - Misunderstanding of the exception clause
Countless Christians have jumped onto this phrase, "saving for the cause of fornication" to justify many reasons given for divorce and remarriage. I believe that the misunderstanding of this phrase alone has done more damage to the Christian body than almost any other doctrinal error due to the millions of marriages and families that have been torn apart.
First of all, God cannot contradict himself. He cannot forbid remarriage in 2 verses and then make an exception in another. The apparent contradiction is not the fault of God but in our misunderstanding of the verses. Secondly, the Greek word porneia, correctly translated as fornication in the KJV is incorrectly translated as adultery, sexual immorality, or marital unfaithfulness in other translations. Fornication refers to sex between two unmarried persons. Adultery refers to sex between a married person with anyone other than the covenant spouse. An unfaithful married person commits adultery, not fornication. Thirdly, during the time that the Bible was written, the betrothal period of Jewish couples before marriage was more significant than we are accustomed to today and essentially the Jewish couple became husband and wife before they had officially entered into the marriage covenant. So the intended audience for the exception clause is for betrothed couples and furthermore, if the betrothed husband discovers that his betrothed wife has had relations with someone else then he can put her away. Joseph also found himself in this situation when he discovered that his espoused wife was with child and wanted to put her away privately until the angel explained what happened. In today's culture, although the betrothal period has lost prominence, if a fiance has discovered that the other has cheated on him or her, then that is grounds to end the engagement.
Point 2 - What therefore God hath joined together
The question can be asked, do you think that you are stronger than God? The answer of course is no. But if we are not stronger than God then how can we undo what God did?
Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not
man put asunder.
Does anyone believe that we can break apart what God has joined together? God himself joined the husband and wife. They are no more two but one. After God joins a couple, they are joined in Heaven for life. We may go before a judge to dissolve the marriage before men, but the marriage is not dissolved in Heaven and likewise we go to the church before God to get married but we do not go the church to get divorced. The divorce only happens before men.
Do not most say that if a remarried couple has remained faithful, then adultery has not occurred? But to God all remarriage is adultery because the remarried spouse is committing adultery against the first spouse. The original couple is still married in Heaven. Only death ends the marriage covenant.
Romans 7:3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an
adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be
married to another man.
Only after the first husband dies is the wife freed from the original marriage covenant and free to remarry.
Point 3 - Quagmire of confusion from man's wisdom
I would rather not spend time discussing man's wisdom, but I should point out a few things that need to be asked for those that believe that God allows for exceptions to divorce and remarriage. For is it not man's wisdom that decides to what degree of abuse that justifies divorce and remarriage? Is this only for physical abuse or also emotional abuse? Does minor abuse, moderate abuse or severe abuse justify divorce and remarriage? And is this not relative from one person to the next? What constitutes adultery? Discovering with strong evidence that adultery has occurred? How about if the evidence is weak? What about emotional affairs or online affairs for which there has been no physical union? What constitutes abandonment? Is it a spouse that has not returned home after 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years?
We would be foolish to think that we can decide what level of sin justifies divorce and remarriage. Let's consider the hypothetical situation of a Christian single that meets a divorced Christian. Should the Christian single first need to vet the divorced Christian to determine if the divorce is justified before God? What criteria would he or she use? What level of abuse or what type of adultery or what length of time of abandonment?
Only a quagmire of problems is presented when we attempt to justify our actions with man's wisdom and so again why it is imperative that we stop telling others that God allows for divorce and remarriage, when God clearly has never sanctioned it.
Point 4 - Picture of Christ and the church
In Ephesians chapter 5 God juxtaposes the relationship between the husband and the wife with Christ and the church. This is not done without significance. God intended that each marriage be a picture of Christ and the church. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church; wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. Marriage is to be a pictorial representation of Christ's relationship with us, his bride. How awe-inspiring God is that he has ordained the marriage relationship and the relationship between Christ and the church and has interconnected the two. There is more to this mystery than we may ever understand.
Ephesians 5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
In the same way that Christ does not divorce his church after sin is discovered and then finds and marries a new church, husbands are not to divorce their wives after sin is discovered and marry with someone new. Although husbands are not sinless as Christ is, they need to live sin-free, but the discovery of sin does not justify wives to divorce their husbands and marry someone new. Husbands ought to pray for their wives when sin is discovered and wives ought to pray for their husbands when sin is discovered. May both husbands and wives strive to be more like Christ while reminding husbands that wives are like their church-type and reminding wives that husbands are like their Jesus-type. And may husbands help their wives to become spotless and pure and may wives help their husbands to be like Jesus.
Point 5 - Perseverance in trials
All marriages will encounter difficulties throughout the course of the marriage. Some difficulties may cause great suffering and others with lessor but continuous frustration, but none justify the abolition of the marriage.
At what point should husbands or wives decide to discontinue the endurance or perseverance of a trial? Do we allow man's wisdom to decide? What does God say? Will God not bless those that endure to the end? Are we long-suffering for Christ or do we choose to cut the suffering short and make ourselves happy?
2 Tim. 3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
2 Cor. 4:17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal
weight of glory;
Psalm 34:19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.
Psalm 119:71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.
Romans 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
1 Peter 2:19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
James 5:11 Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen
the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.
2 Timothy 4:5 But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of
thy ministry.
1 Corinthians 13:4,7 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not
puffed up. Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life,
which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
Point 6 - Passions of the heart of man
It is a desire of all men and women to be loved and to experience an intimate love with another person. When a husband deprives his wife of love and respect or when a wife deprives her husband of love and respect, it is natural that a husband or wife would long for what is missing. He or she after a period of deprivation or abandonment or abuse may step outside of the marriage for that love and respect. He or she may say that a new acquaintance is his or her true "soul-mate" which oftentimes results in the absolution of the marriage and entrance into a new marriage. Many men and women choose to follow their hearts over obeying God. Often friends will advise those that are suffering within marriage, "God wants you to be happy", or "life is short, be with something that will truly love you". What should we choose? Should husbands and wives deprived of love find their own happiness or should they continue to obey God and endure the trial? The passions and desires of the heart of man are very strong and not easily subdued but may be choose to continue to obey God. Our heads may know what is right and wrong but our hearts justify many ungodly actions.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Mark 7:21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,
Conclusion
I hope that my views of the permanency of marriage as I understand it from God's Word can be a blessing to you. These views may differ from the beliefs of this ministry but I pray that God's Spirit would guide you into all truth, as God's Spirit continues to guide me. As well I know how difficult it is to continue to stand for a prodigal spouse. May we continue to accept God's reproof in all areas of our lives and to let Him continue to refine us with fire so that we will be molded into the godly husbands and wives that are pleasing to Him and honouring to our spouses. The teachings from the links here have also been a blessing to me: http://marriagedivorce.com/ and http://rejoiceministries.org/. The book, This Momentary Marriage by John Piper has also been a blessing to me. Please note, I do not support the John Piper Ministry but this book was well written.