Just to clarify, in case for some reason you are not understanding what we're asking, we did not request that you had to give your life story. We simply were asking you to give a testimony of your conversion to Jesus Christ. For someone who is reluctant to write anything because he thinks he can't write things very well, you seem to have a unique ability to beat around the bush, which is confusing me.
After scanning through a lot of what you wrote, this paragraph alone seems to be your conversion testimony, correct?
It was only until I left high school and began using the internet that I began to do some digging around, and I do have to say that I hardly read the bible during that time; I had stumbled across a certain site on the web (Jesus is savior.com) which was quite controversial to look at, I noticed on many of his articles that he would mention the gospel which is the good news. and I loved it because it was exactly like what he said, good news. and I believed it. and I remember being extremely happy, and spirited, and zealous. I actually remember writing down many of the things he had said into a journal. I had still been to a lesser degree in the motions of sin, and that because of my past sins, namely lust, worldliness/covetousness. and this still continued on a bit for some time 'til I had begun to hit my early twenties. but I noticed even ever since my conversion some changes. 1) I had begun to pay attention to God. 2) God began to write his word on the tablet of my heart; i.e. I began to memorize his word. 3) I began to antagonize sin, save only those ones that I didn't provide much of a defense against. because I believe that I still had a coping issue, and my sin of lust was still quite strong in me. and in the end I had kept this thing to myself that the degree of my lust began to rise. and this is why I still sinned much later on in my life. but now I noticed that the flesh had a hard time governing over me, because I was resisting it. I was in the Spirit, though the fleshly influences were still there.Let's review:
I noticed on many of his articles that he would mention the gospel which is the good news. and I loved it because it was exactly like what he said, good news. and I believed it. and I remember being extremely happy, and spirited, and zealous.Okay, that confirms for me that you were not brought to repentance by the Holy Ghost. What you just said is not how men are saved according to Scripture. If you want to understand that more, then I would recommend this:
Why Millions of Believers on Jesus Are Going to HellBut he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon [i.e. quickly] with joy receiveth it; Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.
-Matthew 13:20-21I had still been to a lesser degree in the motions of sinI guarantee you that no one on this forum can understand that sentence. I have no idea what it means to be "
in the motions of sin to a lesser degree." That is the kind of statement you get from someone who is trying to avoid saying something directly, and it puts me on guard because it is the proud of heart that makes those kinds of statements.
But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
-James 4:6-10
For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
-2Co 7:10because of my past sins, namely lust, worldliness/covetousnessSo you were in the motions of lust, but not in lust as much as others, just to a lesser degree, and the same with covetousness? Again, I see someone dodging the truth to convince us of something, not someone who understands the truth of Scripture. When it comes to sin, you are telling us "Kind of, but not really, but sort of." That's not a statement that comes from one who has understood the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
-1 John 1:9-10I noticed even ever since my conversion some changes. 1) I had begun to pay attention to God. 2) God began to write his word on the tablet of my heart; i.e. I began to memorize his word. 3) I began to antagonize sinWait... where was the conversion? It's as if you completely skipped it. Did you realize that (if I read your testimony correctly) the only times you mentioned Jesus Christ were when you talked about what you were told you have to believe about Him, and then later at the end, you mentioned Him again in the "optional" section.
I'm having to guess based on your timeline, but this was supposed to be close to a decade ago, and it still seems like you have no understanding of God's Word. I'm not saying you have to know everything, but these are the basics of the Gospel. Are we to believe that the Holy Ghost has kept you in ignorance for the better part of a decade? Or is it more reasonable to say that you have never come to repentance and do not understand what that means according to God's Word?
Again, I would recommend reading the short book in the link above; it's free-to-read. After you read that, come back and talk with us again about your thoughts on it.
The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
-Psa 34:18