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« on: February 16, 2020, 01:04:51 AM »
Hello CLE members! My name is Megan, and I thank you for the opportunity to share with you the testimony of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done for me being so undeserving of such a gift of grace but relishing in the love I have received from such a great and almighty God.
Starting with how I found CLE I had bookmarked the site and subscribed to the Youtube channel after locating the 501c3 article. For months, I had kept it in a list of references until I was led to watch the 2.15.20 update. After this video, I was compelled to visit the site again and came to the conclusion that the leaders of this site are true born again believers in Jesus Christ. I think I may not have been quite ready to join a few months ago.
My introduction to God, the Bible, and Jesus did not start until I was in kindergarten when my neighbor friend invited me to her church. I lived in a family that did not speak about these things but were what I call culturally Christian in that we focused on being good and obedient to our parents and elders and did all of the normal traditions that every other midwestern family did.
I was very active in this non denominational church, later I would realize was not 501c3 but was fed into dispensationalism. I attended Sunday school, Awana, youth group trips, and anything else that was available to do. It was at 16 or 17 years old that I professed to the church that I had accepted Jesus into my heart and was baptized.
This all sounds very peachy and some would say wholesome. However, I was dealing with a constant battle of sin in my life. I was dealing with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and a lot of sexual sin. After I had sinned, I felt so much shame and regret, but I was in a constant cycle that I felt I could not break even after accepting Jesus and being baptized. I prayed constantly that God would break me of this. Later in my life, I would realize that I was also dealing with the negatives of a lack of parental guidance as my father had a job that he was rarely home and I lost my mother to her obsession with the tv.
It was at 18 that I left the church I attended. The catalyst for this was my states supreme court ruling that allowed for gay marriage. I worked at the statehouse that year and read through the emails to the only gay legislator that made death threats on his sons life. Most of these emails were from people claiming to be Christian. It was at that point that I recognized that something was very wrong with people calling themselves Christian, and it caused me to basically shut down from having anything to do with God and the Bible. I had decided to stop going to church.
For the next 7.5 years I lived in rebellion. I continued my sexual sin, having no regret over it. I got a college degree in biology, completely subscribed to evolution and worldly scientific thought. I married an unbeliever. I did everything to live my best life or so worldly people do.
After the 2016 US election, I had this same deep uneasiness that I did when I left the church years prior. It was not in the election of Trump, but in the reactions from the other side. It was something ugly. At that point, I didn’t know what to do but start reading the one Bible that I had kept on my bookshelf undisturbed for years. I prayed that God would lead me to the truth no matter the cost.
At this same time, I was dealing with infertility. Doctors had told me that my body wasn’t working like it was supposed to and the only way I would be able to conceive was through medical intervention. Deep uneasiness set in when thinking about doing medical interventions to get pregnant. Later I would understand that deep uneasiness had something to do with God.
For 3 years I had stressed and mourned for the child I may never have. I tried so hard to do everything I could to better my body to make it work right. The underlying thing here is that I did this not God. I tried to do this on my own. After months of reading the Bible late 2016 and into 2017, the stories of the barren women were what had grabbed my attention at that particular time in my life.
One night I had hit my breaking point and cried out to God. I had realized that I could no longer hold this burden any longer and was admitting defeat. I consented to His Will regardless if that meant I might ever have a child. I poured my heart out that night of all of my past wrongdoings and begged for forgiveness for my sins, especially those 7 years of outright rebelling against Him. I forgave my parents for the feelings of abandonment I had. I forgave so many countless things I was holding in against people making me bitter. I also forgave myself for things that I said to others that I regretted. Anything I was holding in that night that I felt convicted of I cried out for His forgiveness. I accepted Jesus sacrifice for my sins and belief in His resurrection. I felt like the prodigal son coming back to his father.
I felt free after that night. The next morning I genuinely felt different. It was like a giant load was released from me. The one sexual sin that I took into my marriage- pornography which in marriage would be deemed adultery- I no longer had the desire for, and I haven’t ever since that night. Jesus was enough for me at that point and forevermore. I have been relieved of depression and anxiety as well.
It turns out God was not done with me after that night. 4 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. Even though I was very sick during my whole pregnancy, I rejoiced the whole time for God had given me a great gift!
This miracle in my life made it easier to share with my family about what God had done in my life as I had a hard time speaking about faith prior to that time. It became important to me to pray and read the word. This did not go unnoticed by my husband who felt threatened my this.
The way I handled my husband with my faith was as instructed in 1 Peter 3 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
I never once spoke regarding my faith to him unless he asked me, but my behavior changed. He became almost like an enemy in my own house in the way he would belittle my faith. However, he kept initiating conversations about God, so naturally I responded to them. Finally after one night of his badgering questions, he got really quiet for a few minutes and then told me that I had a point. The next few weeks unbeknownst to me, he started to read the Bible. Even with everything else God did in my life, to see Him change my husband right in front of me was such a sight to behold.
Reflecting back on everything that happened in my life, it made sense that I could only fully come to Jesus at the precise time that I did. I would never have been able to do it as a teenager. I had to go through what I did to be prepared for now. God brought me to Him outside of the churches, and here I am looking at the churches wondering what in the world they are teaching.
I look forward to speaking with you all and being edified and corrected by my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ!
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